Where is the smoky room? Where are the sleazy characters? Where are the window chasers?

Well Christmas came and went. It was a good one, but the same as every year it seemed. I somehow will never really get tired of it although i remember on christmas morning not feeling that same excitement and rush to get downstairs that I normally felt. perhaps it was that i didnt really ask for anything or maybe it was that i didnt get to spend it with someone.

My grades still have not been put online which has really been bothering me. come on, you get a couple days to grade it, then just put it online. atleast send me the grade i got on the final so i can compute it myself.

i noticed a weird thing about myself over the past few days. its definitely not just me, i just havent noticed it before. for some reason, i get very overly protective of things that mean a lot to me. like way too much. and just the thought of something bad happening to whatever it is makes me get very anxious and sick almost. i cant really do anything about it, i just wish i didnt care so much. god i cant wait till new years.

i never really took the time, so i guess ill think about it now. some people have incredibly boring and meaningless lives and i dont really understand how they can continue given their current situation. theres just someone i used to know pretty well, i used to work with. i keep in touch still but not that much. their story is just so sad, living with an old parent, ones dead, working the same daily repetitive job, telling tall tales about maybe the way they wish things had gone or exxagerations on the way things are, who knows.

its just that i find it incredibly sad for someone to be dependent not on the few people that give their life meaning, but the many faceless ones they encounter throughout the day. ive been big on that recently, there are a few people in everyones life that defines their life. those few people that they think about all day, that they get into fights with, that they love. i think its an honor almost to get into a fight with someone. i mean a real fight, not like if you're yelling at the umpire of a childrens little league game and he yells back. thats not a fight. thats an argument. i think that if you can get into a legitimate fight with someone, then that means you are comfortable enough with that person to show them your worst side. fighting with someone brings everything out onto the table. there have only been a few people that ive really fought with. i dont think i can do it with some though.

but i just think some times, everyone (maybe its just me) can break their life down to a few meaningful people. i have some in my family, some at school, some at home, one that exists in multiple categories, but each one occupies a certain percentage of my thought. each one gets some of my time devoted to them. for me, thats a huge honor. to have someone devote their time or thought to you. gosh.

its sad to think of the ones that i used to care about. i think that trying to hold on to someone who's just not a part of it anymore is pointless and silly. i think trying to get someone who just doesnt want to be part of it is silly too. i dont know what id do without those people. they give my life a meaning to it. they give it substance. they make it human. in all instances, they are my life. and just to think, that some people dont have that, they must not have lives. theyre just soulless and wandering blind looking for anything to offer them any hope.

my friend is like that. i think thats why he latches on to certain people, sees something in them and tries to get it. i think that since he has no one in particular to keep him going, no real friends, then he counts on the simple interactions of acquaintences and strangers to make him happy and keep him going.

some people never ever change no matter what you do. some things about yourself will always be about yourself. some people put so much trust into you that it gives you hope in your future, that it can be something more than average, something more than daily. some people need someone to get them back together, to get them back on track. its almost an uplifting feeling and a beautiful one to be so much as a thought, an inspiration in someone elses life.

she's and inspiration in mine.

Mario Kart Central / Mario Kart 64 / Movies

I found this excellent Mario Kart time trial video set for each level. I thought ive seen some good players but this is perfect. The only thing is they utilize falling into caverns and water too much to get relocated. I wanted to see some incredible playing, but its good nonetheless. I wish they put up battle videos from them playing each other, id watch them forever. Check them out from the link below.

Read more at mariokart.planets.games...

This could be an opportunity if you promise to let it grow

The Minotaur Shock remix of the song Tulips by the Bloc Party is amazing.

Well my christmas break has started, i found out about 2 grades so far and they're not spectacular but oh well. the rest of them come in later. i havent really been doing anything with my time off. i guess that was expected though, i did so much up at school that i finaly get a chance to just relax.

but i dont know. i get up at around 9 for some reason, watch tv, eat, and then my day pretty much revolves around calling madison and going on my computer to do things. i have a fun time, but im not too sure about it anymore. i think i spend too much time on here anyway.

im not too sure how christmas is gonna go this year either. every year i always try to get the best presents ever for everyone and i get really excited up until christmas, but then after i give mine out, i just dont care anymore and i get kinda sad because its over. i hope that doesnt happen again this year, but i dont know. every year i try to outdo myself the previous year. i think i have a problem with gift giving, i always want it to be perfect and i take it too seriously.

i got sad today for a stupid reason. im too focused on small things and other people. sometimes i love listening to songs that make me forget about everything and just think about what my life is going to be like, and i can appreciate the little things that i get each day. everyone's life is pretty much just the interactions that they make on a daily basis with a few people that are in their lives. Anything that happens to them thats out of the ordinary is considered weird and scary. No one likes to do anything thats too different from their daily routine. I dont understand sometimes why I cant just go somewhere. Its always that someone else is worried what will happen to me. i wonder if its better or worse to have people care about you. I just want for once to tell someone that I'm running to the drugstore to pick something up, go get a tank of gas and a roadmap, play a nice soundtrack, and drive until i dont have any money anymore.

Theres so much more to life than waiting. Waiting to go home, waiting to graduate, waiting to get a job, waiting to get paid, waiting to retire, and then waiting to die. Why do i care if i got a B+ in a class? Why do i let that worry me so much? I have it in my head that this grade is correlated to the amount of dollars I'll be receiving on a paycheck upon graduation. Its not. None of this is. You have to get lucky. You can only get lucky by chance or if you make it for yourself.

I often wonder what it would be like to take a semester off or whatever and go somewhere else. Go to Italy and see what people did when things in my life didnt matter. Go to the middle east and barter over the price of a few loaves of bread in the town market. I read about things all the time, I dream of them every night, for the life of me I wont do it.

I wont do it because I'm scared. Im scared of not making something of myself, of missing my chance, of losing the investment that Ive made, that my parents have made. Im really afraid of all that and if i do something "out of the ordinary" then I'll be throwing all of that away. I can't do that. But is waiting until I'm too old to enjoy what I've always wanted to do the answer? Is waiting until my back is sore and my legs are weaker than they should be the right time to do what ive waited to do my entire life? I really dont think so. But when is the right time? After college? During college? in my mid 20's?

I dont have any friends at home really. I have a few people that I miss when I'm at school. sometimes i fantasize about conversations that we have, or things that i'll say, or things that we'll do. none of it lasts long or makes any sense.

I guess I shouldnt be sad about things that dont matter in life. I should be happy about things that make me happy. I shouldnt let common practices and norms affect my judgement. Am i going to change? Probably not, but I know what I want.

I want a case of Arizona green tea, a tank of gas, a sausage egg and cheese from Johnnie's bagels, a couple hundred dollars in my wallet, the mapquest directions to orange county, california and my girlfriend. I'll sleep on the beach when I get there, and it will be the nicest sleep I'll ever have. I'll stare at the sky and figure everything out. I'll make money to get home, and I'll finish my routine at school.

Tulips. they are my favorite flower.

Holt Boulevard

I don't know what a palmcorder yajna is. grades on transcripts shouldnt come down to one procrastinated night alone in the library trying to remember everything you did for an entire semester before your 8am exam.

10 hours i gave my self. 40% this test is worth. every hour i spend studying better compensate for 4% of my grade.

i dont know why every test ever taken is not open book. (short of language tests). i spend more time remembering equations and mindless information that could be included on one side of a piece of paper than i do studying for tests. forgetting an equation? not remembering a formula? thats why i lost credit for that question? that seems assenine. these idiot classes are lessons in brute memorization the night before a scheduled test.

how many snickers bars and bawls can you inject into your stomach in a 4 day period before you lose your mind. well ive had 5 snickers and 3 bawls and im close. staying up this late, thinking about a million and one things other than what im supposed to, listening to other people around me doing the exact same thing. why did i push this off so long. i had 3 days of nothing ness. i was in vacation mode. i cant wait till this test is over. every 4% that goes by i get less and less thrilled about staying up and less and less worried about how im going to do. i just want to take this dumb thing and fall asleep watching tv. i want to sit at my computer for 2 days and get it all done. i want to go to bed early for once.

10 hours to memorize stupid things i could write on a piece of paper. if you have to test someone on something they could write down on one side of a piece of paper than that test is not worth it. make it open book, but give questions that make you think. i know how to do almost everything for every class, that deserves an A. But what it comes down to is how well you perform under pressure in a given time block on a set day. what if you were sick? what if you got into a fight with your roommate? what if you had to drive to the airport? what if you forgot your textbook in a class room? no one cares. because if you dont get it right on one set time slot on a given day, and if you dont know how to do these certain questions, you dont know the subject.

40%. and i now have only 4 hours to get it right...

Suppose i said i am on my best behavior and there are times i lose my worried mind.

I havent really done anything over the past couple of days but sit at computers and read. i just havent had any other interests. its getting gross. i havent showered, i dont go outside really, i stay up too late, and all i honest to christ, like, no lie, must check my email 250 times a day. when im sitting here, i look every 3-5 minutes, and im sitting here for hours. sometimes, when im walking down the street, i wonder if i got any new emails. i need someone to help me.

break is just around the corner, and after i hand in this project on monday and take a terrible exam that morning, i can finally take 3 or so weeks off and just do nothing. im really looking forward to writing those songs with anj. its gonna be a fun time. and its weird, like as soon as i get home for break its christmas. and thats awesome.

i dont really know what to get madison, its the hardest thing ever, especially when you have no money. i got her these two little things, but theyre not like gift gifts. ugh, such a process this is.

project javascript has been occupying my time too. i love it. i really want to learn that language inside and out. its gonna be fun. im actually pumped to learn it. i just need to get a book on it. maybe when i get home if andrew didnt take an effing hint and get me one for xmas, ill get one for myself.

ive spent the last like 72 hours in madisons room hanging out with her roommates and although there have been some intensely gay, really feminine moments, i must say its a fun time. i like the concept of a common area and it almost makes me regret not living on campus in a dorm. also, having a dining hall downstairs is the greatest thing of all time. id seriously go in an undershirt slippers and boxers down there for dinner and love every second of it.

its weird but other than my grades this semester there hasnt really been anything thats been bothering me. theres usually that thing thats looming over my head, but i havent had that in a while and im glad. i could always count looking for a job or graduating on time or taking classes and all that as stuff that bothers me, and theres always gonna be the fact that i dont have any money and that ill need to pay back like 80 grand when i graduate, but ive been pretty peaceful this whole semester. i dont know what to think of it.

js has been keeping me up all night. check out the new updates to the HWC here.

I guess there are times where everyone's worried they'll lose their mind.

Google Video - Worst Job Ever

I found this on digg today. Its one of the funniest things I've ever seen before in my life. I couldn't conceive of a worse job. Click read more to check out the video.

read more | digg story

"TGUK - Thanks for ten years"

Well tuesday and wednesday have passed, and i think i did pretty good. I had 3 exams on those two days. management i have a b+ in but i emailed him cause im just shy of the A-. hopefully he'll kick it up a little bit. my brother got me a little nervous when he said i should have met with him. it would have been more effective, now i kinda wish i went to see him. oh well.

cse was a bitch as usual. ece wasnt too hard. i studied maybe an hour before the test to go over a month of what i didnt pay attention to in class and somehow i think i got like a B+ on that final. i surprise myself sometimes.

its just getting really hard to start up again for my last exam.

ive been procrastinating all day with javascript. i want to learn it over the break. thats gonna be my break project. you can see my first and latest project here:

The Hello World Calculator, v1.0

i'll be keeping you posted.

also, i really think i have no use for code.mikegioia.com being a main page. i really dont want to update this thing, my main site, and the code site whenever i have an update for it. i think im just going to use it to house my code projects. just like a storage shed under the code subdomain. more of a way to ogranize everything. i want to redesign mikegioia.com. i need anj's help. just an easier way to make news updates to the site. and just move the updates so that its more viewable. eh, maybe ill just leave it as is.

ive realized that group meetings are the most unproductive things ever, especially when youre friends with the people in your group. it seems everyone in my major, short of like 3 kids, have exactly the same personality so we have a lot in common and therefore have a lot to complain and talk about. a meeting that could have taken place in 10 minutes took 1.5 hours. but it was ok i guess.

i dont want to work on this stupid project. but i think its time. winter breaks almost here.

~Mike

Don't drown in a bowl of cellular network architecture soup

Its daylight now, ive been at the library since 1 am or so. thats like 6 hours ago and im just about halfway done.

i havent slept since sunday night, and its wednesday morning. i have a constant light headedness and my stomach hurts more each hour. i know its from staying awake so long. god i cant wait until tonite.

i held a #2 in so long that i knew it would be a photo finish and i had to waddle to the bathroom. i was so scared something would come out.

ive left 5 times. once to go back to my room to pick up a book, once to go to wawa, and 3 times to go to the bathroom and each time i left my desk, even if it was just for a minute, i took my wallet, phone, keys, and hid my pens. theres 3 people that ive spotted and they havent moved yet but im still nervous about it for some reason. i thought someone stole my text book to sell back but i realized i left it in my room. thats why i went back there.

theres something comforting about staying up all night and working. So many different thoughts have gone thru my head, i can feel my thinking increasing a lot. maybe its the being alone, or the studying.

the only reason i stayed awake at 1am and came to the library was because i told myself that studying non stop and taking these two exams today was all i had to do to be able to fall asleep tonite. the sleep was the reward i gave myself, i almost cried walking over here i was so tired. if i slept any longer id fail these tests. i wouldnt wake up.

there have been times where i think one thing and just do something completely different. i have decreasing control over what i can do for some reason.

Krank'd doesnt get you cranked. Bawls works ok. its too expensive. coffee is only good to get you up, not keep you up. I find a brisk walk in 6 degree weather, chewing gum, working on math problems, and eating snickers bars to be the best way to keep yourself awake.

ive never wanted to go to bed more in my life. it might sound weird but i cant stop thinking how good that laying down with two pillows and finally closing my eyes is gonna feel. that closing the eyes is like taking 200 pounds off your back. it feels warm in your eyes. thats whats keeping me going.

Love always.

If the world is ending then we toast to it.

Thats my favorite quote out of any song. My brother had an idea to create a user-driven lyrics site. I think its a good idea, it would just be hard to create. I've been trying to think of new web applications that are user-driven and would be popular. It's difficult, my dream is to be bought by Yahoo or Google.

I've been putting off studying for weeks just because I know that I'm going to do bad on all these exams. I can't get the motivation. I have it in my head that I'm going down so I'm just not studying.

That and I kind of enjoy the rush of staying up all night to study for a test. It feels good getting my snickers and stay awake drinks. I like it.

Right now I'm thinking lyrics, or a way to post papers for others to search and read. Like if you're in college and you're looking for a paper on something, just post it here and share it with anyone.

I'll keep thinking.