Where is the smoky room? Where are the sleazy characters? Where are the window chasers?
Well Christmas came and went. It was a good one, but the same as every year it seemed. I somehow will never really get tired of it although i remember on christmas morning not feeling that same excitement and rush to get downstairs that I normally felt. perhaps it was that i didnt really ask for anything or maybe it was that i didnt get to spend it with someone.
My grades still have not been put online which has really been bothering me. come on, you get a couple days to grade it, then just put it online. atleast send me the grade i got on the final so i can compute it myself.
i noticed a weird thing about myself over the past few days. its definitely not just me, i just havent noticed it before. for some reason, i get very overly protective of things that mean a lot to me. like way too much. and just the thought of something bad happening to whatever it is makes me get very anxious and sick almost. i cant really do anything about it, i just wish i didnt care so much. god i cant wait till new years.
i never really took the time, so i guess ill think about it now. some people have incredibly boring and meaningless lives and i dont really understand how they can continue given their current situation. theres just someone i used to know pretty well, i used to work with. i keep in touch still but not that much. their story is just so sad, living with an old parent, ones dead, working the same daily repetitive job, telling tall tales about maybe the way they wish things had gone or exxagerations on the way things are, who knows.
its just that i find it incredibly sad for someone to be dependent not on the few people that give their life meaning, but the many faceless ones they encounter throughout the day. ive been big on that recently, there are a few people in everyones life that defines their life. those few people that they think about all day, that they get into fights with, that they love. i think its an honor almost to get into a fight with someone. i mean a real fight, not like if you're yelling at the umpire of a childrens little league game and he yells back. thats not a fight. thats an argument. i think that if you can get into a legitimate fight with someone, then that means you are comfortable enough with that person to show them your worst side. fighting with someone brings everything out onto the table. there have only been a few people that ive really fought with. i dont think i can do it with some though.
but i just think some times, everyone (maybe its just me) can break their life down to a few meaningful people. i have some in my family, some at school, some at home, one that exists in multiple categories, but each one occupies a certain percentage of my thought. each one gets some of my time devoted to them. for me, thats a huge honor. to have someone devote their time or thought to you. gosh.
its sad to think of the ones that i used to care about. i think that trying to hold on to someone who's just not a part of it anymore is pointless and silly. i think trying to get someone who just doesnt want to be part of it is silly too. i dont know what id do without those people. they give my life a meaning to it. they give it substance. they make it human. in all instances, they are my life. and just to think, that some people dont have that, they must not have lives. theyre just soulless and wandering blind looking for anything to offer them any hope.
my friend is like that. i think thats why he latches on to certain people, sees something in them and tries to get it. i think that since he has no one in particular to keep him going, no real friends, then he counts on the simple interactions of acquaintences and strangers to make him happy and keep him going.
some people never ever change no matter what you do. some things about yourself will always be about yourself. some people put so much trust into you that it gives you hope in your future, that it can be something more than average, something more than daily. some people need someone to get them back together, to get them back on track. its almost an uplifting feeling and a beautiful one to be so much as a thought, an inspiration in someone elses life.
she's and inspiration in mine.
My grades still have not been put online which has really been bothering me. come on, you get a couple days to grade it, then just put it online. atleast send me the grade i got on the final so i can compute it myself.
i noticed a weird thing about myself over the past few days. its definitely not just me, i just havent noticed it before. for some reason, i get very overly protective of things that mean a lot to me. like way too much. and just the thought of something bad happening to whatever it is makes me get very anxious and sick almost. i cant really do anything about it, i just wish i didnt care so much. god i cant wait till new years.
i never really took the time, so i guess ill think about it now. some people have incredibly boring and meaningless lives and i dont really understand how they can continue given their current situation. theres just someone i used to know pretty well, i used to work with. i keep in touch still but not that much. their story is just so sad, living with an old parent, ones dead, working the same daily repetitive job, telling tall tales about maybe the way they wish things had gone or exxagerations on the way things are, who knows.
its just that i find it incredibly sad for someone to be dependent not on the few people that give their life meaning, but the many faceless ones they encounter throughout the day. ive been big on that recently, there are a few people in everyones life that defines their life. those few people that they think about all day, that they get into fights with, that they love. i think its an honor almost to get into a fight with someone. i mean a real fight, not like if you're yelling at the umpire of a childrens little league game and he yells back. thats not a fight. thats an argument. i think that if you can get into a legitimate fight with someone, then that means you are comfortable enough with that person to show them your worst side. fighting with someone brings everything out onto the table. there have only been a few people that ive really fought with. i dont think i can do it with some though.
but i just think some times, everyone (maybe its just me) can break their life down to a few meaningful people. i have some in my family, some at school, some at home, one that exists in multiple categories, but each one occupies a certain percentage of my thought. each one gets some of my time devoted to them. for me, thats a huge honor. to have someone devote their time or thought to you. gosh.
its sad to think of the ones that i used to care about. i think that trying to hold on to someone who's just not a part of it anymore is pointless and silly. i think trying to get someone who just doesnt want to be part of it is silly too. i dont know what id do without those people. they give my life a meaning to it. they give it substance. they make it human. in all instances, they are my life. and just to think, that some people dont have that, they must not have lives. theyre just soulless and wandering blind looking for anything to offer them any hope.
my friend is like that. i think thats why he latches on to certain people, sees something in them and tries to get it. i think that since he has no one in particular to keep him going, no real friends, then he counts on the simple interactions of acquaintences and strangers to make him happy and keep him going.
some people never ever change no matter what you do. some things about yourself will always be about yourself. some people put so much trust into you that it gives you hope in your future, that it can be something more than average, something more than daily. some people need someone to get them back together, to get them back on track. its almost an uplifting feeling and a beautiful one to be so much as a thought, an inspiration in someone elses life.
she's and inspiration in mine.
posted by Mike at 11:37 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home