This could be an opportunity if you promise to let it grow
The Minotaur Shock remix of the song Tulips by the Bloc Party is amazing.
Well my christmas break has started, i found out about 2 grades so far and they're not spectacular but oh well. the rest of them come in later. i havent really been doing anything with my time off. i guess that was expected though, i did so much up at school that i finaly get a chance to just relax.
but i dont know. i get up at around 9 for some reason, watch tv, eat, and then my day pretty much revolves around calling madison and going on my computer to do things. i have a fun time, but im not too sure about it anymore. i think i spend too much time on here anyway.
im not too sure how christmas is gonna go this year either. every year i always try to get the best presents ever for everyone and i get really excited up until christmas, but then after i give mine out, i just dont care anymore and i get kinda sad because its over. i hope that doesnt happen again this year, but i dont know. every year i try to outdo myself the previous year. i think i have a problem with gift giving, i always want it to be perfect and i take it too seriously.
i got sad today for a stupid reason. im too focused on small things and other people. sometimes i love listening to songs that make me forget about everything and just think about what my life is going to be like, and i can appreciate the little things that i get each day. everyone's life is pretty much just the interactions that they make on a daily basis with a few people that are in their lives. Anything that happens to them thats out of the ordinary is considered weird and scary. No one likes to do anything thats too different from their daily routine. I dont understand sometimes why I cant just go somewhere. Its always that someone else is worried what will happen to me. i wonder if its better or worse to have people care about you. I just want for once to tell someone that I'm running to the drugstore to pick something up, go get a tank of gas and a roadmap, play a nice soundtrack, and drive until i dont have any money anymore.
Theres so much more to life than waiting. Waiting to go home, waiting to graduate, waiting to get a job, waiting to get paid, waiting to retire, and then waiting to die. Why do i care if i got a B+ in a class? Why do i let that worry me so much? I have it in my head that this grade is correlated to the amount of dollars I'll be receiving on a paycheck upon graduation. Its not. None of this is. You have to get lucky. You can only get lucky by chance or if you make it for yourself.
I often wonder what it would be like to take a semester off or whatever and go somewhere else. Go to Italy and see what people did when things in my life didnt matter. Go to the middle east and barter over the price of a few loaves of bread in the town market. I read about things all the time, I dream of them every night, for the life of me I wont do it.
I wont do it because I'm scared. Im scared of not making something of myself, of missing my chance, of losing the investment that Ive made, that my parents have made. Im really afraid of all that and if i do something "out of the ordinary" then I'll be throwing all of that away. I can't do that. But is waiting until I'm too old to enjoy what I've always wanted to do the answer? Is waiting until my back is sore and my legs are weaker than they should be the right time to do what ive waited to do my entire life? I really dont think so. But when is the right time? After college? During college? in my mid 20's?
I dont have any friends at home really. I have a few people that I miss when I'm at school. sometimes i fantasize about conversations that we have, or things that i'll say, or things that we'll do. none of it lasts long or makes any sense.
I guess I shouldnt be sad about things that dont matter in life. I should be happy about things that make me happy. I shouldnt let common practices and norms affect my judgement. Am i going to change? Probably not, but I know what I want.
I want a case of Arizona green tea, a tank of gas, a sausage egg and cheese from Johnnie's bagels, a couple hundred dollars in my wallet, the mapquest directions to orange county, california and my girlfriend. I'll sleep on the beach when I get there, and it will be the nicest sleep I'll ever have. I'll stare at the sky and figure everything out. I'll make money to get home, and I'll finish my routine at school.
Tulips. they are my favorite flower.
Well my christmas break has started, i found out about 2 grades so far and they're not spectacular but oh well. the rest of them come in later. i havent really been doing anything with my time off. i guess that was expected though, i did so much up at school that i finaly get a chance to just relax.
but i dont know. i get up at around 9 for some reason, watch tv, eat, and then my day pretty much revolves around calling madison and going on my computer to do things. i have a fun time, but im not too sure about it anymore. i think i spend too much time on here anyway.
im not too sure how christmas is gonna go this year either. every year i always try to get the best presents ever for everyone and i get really excited up until christmas, but then after i give mine out, i just dont care anymore and i get kinda sad because its over. i hope that doesnt happen again this year, but i dont know. every year i try to outdo myself the previous year. i think i have a problem with gift giving, i always want it to be perfect and i take it too seriously.
i got sad today for a stupid reason. im too focused on small things and other people. sometimes i love listening to songs that make me forget about everything and just think about what my life is going to be like, and i can appreciate the little things that i get each day. everyone's life is pretty much just the interactions that they make on a daily basis with a few people that are in their lives. Anything that happens to them thats out of the ordinary is considered weird and scary. No one likes to do anything thats too different from their daily routine. I dont understand sometimes why I cant just go somewhere. Its always that someone else is worried what will happen to me. i wonder if its better or worse to have people care about you. I just want for once to tell someone that I'm running to the drugstore to pick something up, go get a tank of gas and a roadmap, play a nice soundtrack, and drive until i dont have any money anymore.
Theres so much more to life than waiting. Waiting to go home, waiting to graduate, waiting to get a job, waiting to get paid, waiting to retire, and then waiting to die. Why do i care if i got a B+ in a class? Why do i let that worry me so much? I have it in my head that this grade is correlated to the amount of dollars I'll be receiving on a paycheck upon graduation. Its not. None of this is. You have to get lucky. You can only get lucky by chance or if you make it for yourself.
I often wonder what it would be like to take a semester off or whatever and go somewhere else. Go to Italy and see what people did when things in my life didnt matter. Go to the middle east and barter over the price of a few loaves of bread in the town market. I read about things all the time, I dream of them every night, for the life of me I wont do it.
I wont do it because I'm scared. Im scared of not making something of myself, of missing my chance, of losing the investment that Ive made, that my parents have made. Im really afraid of all that and if i do something "out of the ordinary" then I'll be throwing all of that away. I can't do that. But is waiting until I'm too old to enjoy what I've always wanted to do the answer? Is waiting until my back is sore and my legs are weaker than they should be the right time to do what ive waited to do my entire life? I really dont think so. But when is the right time? After college? During college? in my mid 20's?
I dont have any friends at home really. I have a few people that I miss when I'm at school. sometimes i fantasize about conversations that we have, or things that i'll say, or things that we'll do. none of it lasts long or makes any sense.
I guess I shouldnt be sad about things that dont matter in life. I should be happy about things that make me happy. I shouldnt let common practices and norms affect my judgement. Am i going to change? Probably not, but I know what I want.
I want a case of Arizona green tea, a tank of gas, a sausage egg and cheese from Johnnie's bagels, a couple hundred dollars in my wallet, the mapquest directions to orange county, california and my girlfriend. I'll sleep on the beach when I get there, and it will be the nicest sleep I'll ever have. I'll stare at the sky and figure everything out. I'll make money to get home, and I'll finish my routine at school.
Tulips. they are my favorite flower.
posted by Mike at 12:00 AM
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