that was a pretty impressive mantra

thats what mike flores said to me after a stunning attempt at survival during a grueling game 2 of 3 match during round 2 of a magic the gathering mercadian block constructed tournament in plymouth meeting pa. mike flores at the time was a top ranked magic player. sometimes when i think about those times when i played the game i just get a strange feeling. its almost like i wish i could go back. sometimes when im walking through the hallway here at work i can still smell the convention center and the signature cologne of the other guys there... i get that nervous feeling everytime it crosses my path, like im about to start a new tournament. i can still remember that feeling of checking the postings to see who im playing, that nervousness of awaiting to see if my opponent was coming, who he was, what he looked like, and praying so hard that he didnt show up and i could get a free win. just thinking about it now i get a whole slew of memories, like my friend jon stewart bailing early to play some side tournaments, i forget their name, god thats gonna bother me,.. its like 8 people sitting around and picking cards from a pack to make a deck to play with. itll come to me. i remember opening the packs to see what rares i got, what deck i was gonna make. to be there again, i consider that the prime of my life.

i was maybe 14 years old and thats the prime of my life. i cant think of a time when i was happier. maybe i wasnt happy then, but for some reason i feel like i was when i think about it. maybe it was hanging out with my dad, anj and john, and sometimes stew. maybe it was the cards, god i miss magic, i miss looking at the cards, that feeling i get when im looking through them, those old magic cards. i guess ill never have that again.

money is conduit for happyness.

for some reason that always sticks with me. my friend says it, not in those words exactly, but i didnt come up with it. hes exactly right, money is just a way to make people happy. you use it on things that make you happy. i dont know why but i took that to heart. ill never forget it either. maybe ill try to pass it off as my own.

ive realized that i really have no asperations to do anything anymore. i love and have fallen into such a routine of getting up, showering, going to work, going to the gym at lunch, going back to work, and then leaving at 4:30. I love it. i love sitting at my desk in my cube working silently with my headphones on, listening to NPR and doing my work by myself. i hate talking to people, i just want to do my own thing. thats why i dont think i could ever work in an office for very long. i want to work at home, or start up my own business. i guess i inhereted my dislike for other people from my dad. he hates people.

i need to get back to work.

un-unemployed

I finally got a job. Midway through the easiest and best interview of my life I was offered a job this summer for SAP in newtown. I started May 23rd and I've been there for like 2 weeks. I guess its just a typical internship, not much to do, but when i do have something its just busy work or data entry. i feel bad that i dont do anything but if they dont have anything for me then theres nothing really i can do.

im really not looking forward to mowing the lawn tonite. god thats gonna suck. so is sitting thru an 8 hour day on like 4 hours of couch sleep. i should write a longer post about work later today, i need to tell anj to see if he remembers the nervous magic tournament cologne smell before the prerelease starts. ill tell him later.